Living with the Passive-aggressive Man: Coping with Personality Syndrome of Hidden Aggression: from the Bedroom to the Boardroom
by Scott Wetzler
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List Price: ££8.99
Our Price: ££4.04
Your Save: £ 0.00 ( % )
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Manufacturer: Prentice Hall & IBD
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Average Customer Rating: 
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Binding: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 155.332
EAN: 9780671870744
ISBN: 0671870742
Label: Prentice Hall & IBD
Number Of Items: 1
Number Of Pages: 208
Publication Date: 1993-10-01
Publisher: Prentice Hall & IBD
Studio: Prentice Hall & IBD
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Spotlight customer reviews:
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Customer Rating:
Summary: worth a look?
Comment: Undoubtedly yes.! I am not sure this book needs yet another review but here goes anyway.
Like many other women in this situation - being married to a PA man - I fervently wish I had had this book 25 years ago! Even today I note that there is only Scott Wetzler's book out there in this specific area, or does anyone else know otherwise? I do have some criticsm of the form Scott Wetzler has decided upon in his book, namely that most irritating of devices - giving the reader case history notes of clients he has treated. Whenever I came across another 'Bill and Helen'or Joe and Sue'' example I skipped the page after rapid scanning convinced me that no two people in this PA drama are ever alike! Unhelpful and superfluous, but that is my only criticsm, as there was plenty of immenseley helpful other material in the book. Putting it simply - reading it was like turning on the light. And all those years I sincerely believed I was helping (trying and failing)a traumatised and above all else a PEACEFUL man, deal with the aftermath of a typical English family upbringing (sent off to boarding school at the age of 12)and a battlefield of a so called marriage to a - God help us - fullblown Narcissistic Personality! NOW I know that he chose to live with such a woman and that I was next - the rescuer!!
If I have one word of advice (two or three actually) to any warmhearted, compassionate woman on the brink of commitment to a PEACEFUL man I would say READ THIS BOOK!! He is avoiding, denying and negating his anger and the peavish, deceitful and cowardly way these guys find of nonetheless dealing with it, is equally abusive and as destructive as pointless rage.
A final observation. I have spent the last few intense days examining my own psyche and why I was attracted to such a man. Not something I like the look of but I am dealing with it!
How to break up after all these years is proving so hard. It will be me who has to make the break - PA's don't help!!
Customer Rating:
Summary: This book saved my sanity and has given me hope for a future
Comment: Gradually, over a period of 18 years of marriage, I started to sense that maybe some of our marriage problems could be attributed to a personality disorder. I read about various disorders and came up with suspicions of Passive Aggressive Disorder in my husband. One night, two years ago, I decided to go to the bookstore to find a book just on PA Disorder. There it was, like it was waiting for me - Living With The Passive Aggressive Man!! I went straight home and read all night, armed with a red pencil and underlining passages and starring sentences. What a catharsis!
Now, 2 years later, I reread the book to remind myself that I am not crazy, that I am not a bitch, and that I am doing the right thing to file for divorce, even with 2 daughters who love their father. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, because, as we all know, he's SUCH a nice guy..... Well, luckily he IS a nice guy , but he has a lot of problems to work out to learn how to establish an honest relationship with someone, including his daughters. I honestly wish him the best of luck.
The only thing missing from Dr. Wetzler's book is help in divorcing the Passive Aggressive father of your children, especially pre-adolescent daughters. I felt a little lost about what to do next after reading about my life in the book.
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Summary: A mirrored image of my "relationship"-help is needed!
Comment: How did Dr. Wetzler know? I have been living with a "personality" type that is an exact reflection of Dr. Wetzler's case studies. I have played every role - manager, mother and now the victim. All the literature reports that children, especially teens, are adversely affected by parental divorces. This PAPD has gotten physically abusive ( rest assured - it was my fault) - and is ALWAYS verbally abusive - "Don't make me have to fight you." or, "You keep on and I will have to hurt you - no threat- just tellin ya like it is." Dr. Wetzler provides a glimmer of sanity for the spouse of a PAPD in that there is another world out there. I would like to have seen some suggestions as to how to end a relationship where children are involved. Thanks, Dr. Wetzler - you have provided a life line through your touch with reality.
Customer Rating:
Summary: Like reading a biography of my ex-husband...
Comment: I am so grateful to Scott Wetzler for writing this book. It has allowed me to forgive myself for taking the final step and getting a divorce, de-coupling from a situation which only someone with iron-clad self-esteem and unswerving vigilance could survive.
"He doesn't hit you, he doesn't drink, he doesn't run around, and he likes to cook. What more could you want in a husband?" That's what my ex's late mother used to say. But something was definitely wrong with this picture. He wouldn't work. He wouldn't talk. He wouldn't acknowledge responsibility for anything. But he loved therapy. Years and years of couples counseling didn't help. I found it hard to get a handle on what was wrong until reading this book.
Wetzler successfully calls attention to the "sins of omission" as opposed to the "sins of commission" and that truly is the crux of the problem. Also, the slippery logic, the convoluted rationalizations, the comfort of paralysis, the narcissistic view of the universe. I was trying to engage in give-and-take with a passive aggressive man, and that is plain impossible. My hands just kept sticking to the tar baby.
My ex was good-looking, intelligent, and charming. But the solitude, the procrastination, the silent treatment, the inability to hold a job, the supreme sense of entitlement, the refusal to argue or engage in any discussion of issues, blaming me for his failures, using abstinence as a weapon... In ten years of marriage, my husband never uttered my name.
I kept waiting for the waves of remorse to flow over me after I'd made the decision to separate. After all, I was 36 when I married him. Although I should have been wise then, I let me desire for a family and my desire to "help" him blind me to the obvious.
Now I feel as if an albatross has been removed from my neck. I have renewed strength. My self-esteem is returning. I am vigilant as a bulldog because we have two small children. PAs are basically scofflaws who discount all negotiated agreements, don't feel rules apply to them (taxes? child support? are you kidding?), and will manipulate even little children to get their way. I am now prepared, thanks to Dr. Wetzler, to stand my ground.
Customer Rating:
Summary: Comprehensive and useful information. Could not put it down.
Comment: I am married to and have two children with a passive aggressive man. I have searched local bookstores for a book on the topic for 2 years. One night, in desperation, I searched Amazon for a book on the subject and thankfully, I found this book by Scott Wetzeler.
Scott Wetzler clearly outlines the personality of a passive aggressive and concise terms and offers comprehensive solutions in how to deal with this personality.
What I loved most about the book were the validating stories told by other women that have experienced the, frustration, humiliation and emotional abuse, while involved with a "PA". I read their words over and over again in partial disbeleif, that my exact feelings and discription of the behavior, were staring back at me in black and white.
I urge anyone (male or female) who is in a relationship with someone who sulks, does not respond to a direct question or insists they are not angry even though their actions tell you otherwise, to read this book. It will save your life, as it has mine.
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